Home for Christmas and it feels so nice to be back!
Over the past week or so things have definitely gone downhill. Last Saturday was my friend’s birthday so we went out. I was very drunk and the urge to self harm was overwhelming when I was in the club and I had no idea what to do with myself… none of the glasses were glass… they were plastic, as I found out when I tried to smash one in the toilets :/
I felt AWFUL.
But I held off the urge for days, until Thursday, and I gave in. Silly.
Friday I went to a friend’s birthday thing and even then I just felt meh even though I was surrounded by such lovely people, and I didn’t want to drink, but I did… and at the end of the night I was so ready for bed, which normally I am not haha. Then the next morning I felt sooooooo self conscious, like, when we were all waiting for breakfast etc I couldn’t look at people, I didn’t know what to do with myself, I just wanted to get out of there. I just sat in silence pretending to yawn now and again to give the impression I was really tired. Weird times.
So I am SO happy to be home.
Also, I finally saw the guy who is trying to cut me out of his life it seems, for the first time the other day and he SMILED at me. ?!!?! I just wanted to punch him in the face. I’d rather he just ignored me… totally took me by surprise.